Transformation Tuesday by Future Roxy

Wow! It’s amazing to think where I was a little over a year’s worth of Tuesdays ago; very precariously pursuing multiple businesses which all in essence involved me selling mySELF. I was also a Stay-at Home mom with my toddler, spending my days primarily stressing about the current state of various things in our home; laundry, bills, potty training, puberty. My husband and I were doing our best to maintain a “laid back” (cheap) lifestyle so as not to add to our already large debt (house, cars, credit cards). It was nice but, stressful as we’ve all been programmed to accept our lives as being.

I made my infamously Instagrammed : / San Diego trip in the Fall which lit a fire within me and upon my return our lives really started to change. I started facilitated different events with other incredible women to create new bloodlines in RADICAL (FLUID) FEMINISM. We opened other females (and males) so that we might all move forward with stronger Mothers and Daughters. We even volunteered some time to local women’s shelters and groups to EMPOWER those who needed it most. I love those beautiful Broads!

I started teaching workshops for what I call Soft Kink to some .   .   . ummm .   .   . conservative, lesser experienced couples to help expand their bedroom options; that was fun(ny).  I also did some Life Coaching with spanking as the consequence for not meeting the goal set for the week but, by the end of the first month my wrists were really hurting and I was starting to think perhaps I had marketed that service the wrong way.

The Photojournalism within our family exploded! Everywhere we go, everyone has a camera and we’ve caught a lot of amazing moments over the last year. We have an online photo shop where people can buy prints and have collaborated with some other local photographers to do some fun learning shoots.

I reconnected with a lot of great old friends and we all made lots of new, amazing ones who have become really important to us. We have started to build an incredible family of both local and long distance Souls who make us laugh, who challenge our growth, who are Revolutionary and who want to share the walk home. Our house has been so full over the last year and it has been wonderful.

We are [R]EVOLUTIONARY at Casa de Carroll and we are just trying to educate and encourage others to do the same. All it takes is one step, one weekend, one event, one person, one breath to kickstart your growth; a Big BANG and the rest is all adaptability. By simply making a few small changes, by shifting our POV, by creating some movement  we have started to have some great experiences every. single. day.  And it has been TRANSFORMATIONAL.

 

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A point of note: I’m pretty sure the Transformation actually took place on a Saturday but again, adaptability, ya know?

To ALL who have been along our path this year, Thank YOU for making our lives rich.

Be Riveted!

Roxy

The Est and the Nth

I am insatiable. Most that know me (especially My Men) would agree that it’s a pretty fitting descriptive in many different areas of my life.

I typically have more than one job at a time or multiple books being read simultaneously. My hobbies range from crocheting and knitting to wood working and working on cars (though my knowledge is limited) which are always in state of perpetual flux. I’m Bisexual which I have been told is “greedy’ but, can’t a girl just want it all?

My desire to become a Vampire is solely based on the fact that if I lived forever I could actually do EVERYTHING that I want. I could read every book I’ve ever wanted to read and visit all the places that haunt my dreams with yearning. I could do it all.

Unfortunately, Lestat and Louis (Erik and Queen Sophie are also acceptable) have not arrived at my door for us to have a sexy Vamp three-way so for now I just have to live everyday for the -est and the nth.

Est is my personal standard to meet for the day. If -est is met than I can go to sleep happy. Did I try my hard-est? Was I my kind-est? Was I the bold-est that I could be? Were my efforts focused on being the funny-est, the smart-est, the most Hon-est version of myself that I could possibly be in this lifetime?

If I answer these all with a, “Yes,” then lucky me; I get to go right to sleep with not a second thought. Unfortunately, I am an insomniac so I spend my nights forgiving myself for not meeting one -est or another and breathe into the space where I gave it my B-est and find peace there.

I am never fully satisfied with my -est fulfillment; just another cause for my insatiable nature.

 

I have a quote, on one of my kitchen cabinet doors that asks, “How much did you love today?” I answered with, “Completely.” That is what I strive for; to love completely but, more than that, I want to do everything completely to the nth degree . . . fully, deeply, passionately.

The problem with that though is, that I’m never “All In” . . . with anything. So, even when I come close to the nth, the very thing I crave most, it’s still beyond my reach. That leaves me with a thirst, a hunger, an aching for more; insatiable.

I enjoy that feeling, that wanting more; it makes me feel alive. I feel superior in a world full of drones living in contentment. To be content, to me, is a sentence worse than death. It’s a settling for less than, it’s refusing to round the bases, it’s pulling a France. I want to always be ravenous in my life so I remember to continue living to my nth.

“A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better.”
Norman Ralph Augustine

I guess I think, that if all parts of me are always yearning for more knowledge, for more experience, for more sex, for more fun, for more people .   .   . just for MORE then I will live a life unparalleled. I will have an exceptional life full of adventures and fuck ups, with incredible pleasure and devastation. A life full of living for the -Est and the Nth because being insatiable makes me happy.

 

TERROR!!!!

I am having an AWESOME time in my life right now. It’s pretty fucking chaotic but, just awesome! I’m in the process of starting 3 businesses all on a shoestring because it’s that or hang myself with it. I’m going so deep within myself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically (I plan to master the Pull Up by the end of this year) to repair foundations that were never properly laid to begin with. I am feeling so expansive and just RIVETED by life and its infinite possibilities BUT  .     .     .

.     .     . I am also TERRIFIED.

Here is a list of the things that currently terrify me most

  • Failing – for obvious reasons
  • Succeeding – b/c it was crazy enough to work!
  • Positive Recognition – (IDK why, but I’ll figure it out)
  • Flying – haven’t been in airport in 10+ years and I don’t like to be touched randomly and have my things violated
  • Being Solo for almost 2 weeks – pretty amazing though really; NO Toddler, NO Tween, NO Hubs LIVE THE LIFE whoaaaaaoaaoaa
  • Finding myself
  • Losing myself
  • Finding that place I’ll always yearn to return to
  • Feeling out of place
  • Feeling disconnected
  • Feeling not good enough
  • Feeling exposed
  • A Yoga handstand – I’m afraid my wrist is going to snap
  • People not taking me seriously
  • Weeding out the sycophants
  • Being in Charge (like Charles)
  • Being Happy
  • Being FREE
  • Never wanting to leave the Ocean
  • Never figuring out my camera settings
  • Never showing YOU how much I LOVE
  • Never selling a single thing made by my own hands
  • My vertical garden dying while I’m away
  • Not reminding myself that the “opinions of the sheep” don’t matter
  • The fact that I have yet to accomplish ONE SINGLE FUCKING PULL UP!

Soooooo, That’s what I’m going through right now. You?