I find it really difficult to meditate the way I perceive we are told to. I’ve been trying to “meditate” since I was seventeen so about 10-ish years ago, give or take, and I don’t think I have accomplished more than a maximum of 43 minutes ever. It could possibly be 45 if you subtract the amount of time I took to look down at my phone to see how long I had been meditating for.
I perceive that we are meant to just master the ability of sitting still and unfocusing? I phrase that as a question because I feel meditation is actually working is when I just let my mind float instead of focusing on not focusing.
I’m pretty sure now, after spending a year trying to find various ways to adapt my meditation method to squeeze in the unpredictability of a six month nursling and a now three year old girl. In those rare moments that I have actually have to myself, I then have to contend with all the thoughts regarding what else I should be doing or what else I need to get done and I just have to be there in it.
The really effective moments though come from when I just let myself go. I allow my thoughts to tiptoe through my mind and my body to just move how it wants to; sway, stretch, vibrate, dance, hoop, fuck.